Sunday, 1 January 2012

A Satirical take on the Obesity Epidemic

It’s scary to think that this little planet of ours is already home to seven billion people. By 2050 make that nine billion. Poor old earth is sinking under the strain, struggling to sustain those of us already here. So how come one third of Americans are obese and another third overweight, with the UK heading in a similar direction?
What’s to be done?

Well, here’s a radical suggestion. How about putting a limit on individual BMI’s? Over 30 and you’re…er, chopped liver. Would that we with or without onions, sir? Personal trainers would be a thing of the past. Nothing like a little incentive—like staying alive—to focus the mind.

Yep, anyone who let’s themselves go beyond that limit should be food for the rest of us. Just think, a six foot man, nicely rounded, could support a family of four for a week. Yum, yum. Factor in the food he’ll no longer be eating himself and we’re already turning the tide. They’ll be plenty of ribs, nice juicy breast, loads of fat thigh, flabby belly and plenty of heart for all. Form an orderly queue now; there’s plenty for everyone. Not too sure what we’ll find to chew on in the brain department but there’s a downside to every arrangement.

What about the kids, I hear you ask? Podgy little loves abound. They’re everywhere; have you noticed that? Seeing the state of them is enough to put you off ever eating again. Still, I’m not totally heartless, (pun intended). They’re not to blame for the junk they get away with eating. Personally I think there’s nothing wrong with a clip round the ear to remind a kid who’s boss. Bring back the birch—never did me any harm. But allowing one’s chubby cherubs to gorge on stuff that will shorten their lives considerably and make them unhappy by being permanently overweight for that shortened lifespan—do you really want to know what goes into chicken nuggets?—well, that really is child cruelty.

Answer, barbeque the parents on a slow spit for just under two hours until golden brown, season well, add vegetables, a good dollop of decent red and spices to taste…

Er, in case you’re wondering, I’m joking…I think!

Happy New Year!



  1. Sounds like a remake of Logan's Run - Logan's Done (now carve to serve).

  2. Sounds like a remake of Logan's Run - Logan's Done (now carve to serve).

  3. I posted this and then immediately worried that I'd offend people. Glad you took it in the spirit that it was meant!

  4. Totally agree with your comments. It is really down to the parents to control what their kids eat from an early stage, but of course it is difficult to control once the kids are say teenagers and are out on their own, but they hopefully would be educated by then.

    Happy New Year